Loving the Unlovable: The Art of Loving Difficult People
Have you ever experienced loving a porcupine? Not the prickly animal, but a person who embodies challenging traits or a difficult personality?
A porcupine is someone who, for various reasons, always seems to stir up trouble, irritate others, or provoke conflict. They might be rude, aggressive, manipulative, passive-aggressive, defensive, or withdrawn.
We’ve all likely encountered such difficult individuals in our lives; and they’re just a part of the human experience. Whether they’re family members, friends, partners, coworkers, or even strangers, dealing with difficult people is inevitable. It’s crucial to acknowledge their existence and learn how to handle them effectively.
LOVING THE DIFFICULT ONES
But how do we genuinely love difficult people?
Some might advise leaving when things get tough, while others might argue for staying out of love. Well, it depends on the situation. However, it’s essential not to harm yourself while loving a difficult person and to always put yourself first and foremost.
Maybe loving a difficult person doesn’t mean accepting their bad behaviors but understanding their struggles.
According to the book “How to Hug a Porcupine: Easy Ways to Love the Difficult People in Your Life” by June Eding and Dr. Debbie Ellis, “difficult people aren’t inherently bad. They often have their own issues and problems that make them challenging to be around.”
In my life, I’ve come to realize that loving them so much made me a porcupine too, in some way. Sometimes, we may not even realize that we’re also prickly, hurting, or annoying others with our behavior as well.
As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people.
It’s crucial to reflect on our actions and our relationships with others. We need to appreciate our differences and not take things personally. I understand that forgiving isn’t easy, but we must learn to forgive difficult people. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what they did; it means letting go of the anger and resentment for our own sake, not theirs.
LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND
Love is patient, even with those who test our patience the most.
Let’s be honest; we can’t love difficult people into loving or accepting us. Loving a porcupine person requires embodying the essence of “love is patient and kind”.
Patience by understanding that their prickly nature stems from their own struggles and insecurities. It’s about not reacting impulsively to their behaviors but rather responding with empathy and understanding. Kindness by showing compassion despite their challenging behavior, offering a gentle touch in moments of aggression and a supportive ear in times of withdrawal.
We can’t change them. We need to understand that people only change for themselves. In this case, we can only control ourselves through our responses and reactions and setting boundaries to protect ourselves while still extending a hand of care.
Always remember that you are worthy of love and respect.
In the end, regardless of how difficult a person is, everyone deserves kindness and compassion. Through our kind, patient, and gentle responses, perhaps we can influence even the difficult people to change.
